Current Headlines:

INT. MOB HEADQUARTERS - DAY

(Luigi runs in, he has been shot in the shoulder.)

Luigi: Boss! It's a madhouse out there!

Boss: Luigi! How many times must I tell you... (sigh) You only use the gun to intimidate! OK... how many bodies we gotta dump in the east river?

Luigi: ... But Boss...

Boss: It's okay... Everything will be alright... just take a seat here and tell me how many... and then we fix it... capiche?

(Luigi goes to take a seat.)

Luigi: Boss I didn't shoot nobody, it' the off shore accounts. The swiss are giving up our names to the feds!

(Boss knocks Luigi onto the floor.)

Boss: Luigi! How could you be so stupid... I send you to that fancy business school... I make you like my son... my accountant... and I can't even trust you to hide our money? Of course the Swiss are squealing they're a bunch of pacifist chocolatiering poofs! How you gunna be so stupid to give them our money? Huh?

Luigi: Everyone was doing it Boss... the Famiglias... they was doing it too.

Boss: Luigi!... Just cuz I name you Luigi don't mean you should trust those saucy Italians!

Luigi: Well... The Bennigans , they was in on it!

Boss: Luigi... my dear Luigi... We are better than those potato peelers!  We're the Chinese American Mob... We have dignity... respect... insight... Now go down to the factory and get sowing! We have to get those Prada bags on the street by tomorrow morning! I'll go take care of these Swiss.

Next days headline:

Good News for the Jobless: Lindt Hiring!

After crippling murder spree 'reeks havoc' on New York City's Swiss Chocolatiers!